The Surfing Date

We paddle out. I’m avoiding the waves quite well. Mostly because I’m petrified of getting stuck in the the inside. I make it out, sitting on the board the waves looks scarier. It starts raining more. 

This is stupid. 

He takes off. 

Catching waves. Paddling in and out quickly. He waves at me and smiles. 

I give a half wave back and smile. 

You jackass. Why did I wave? I should have just lifted my middle finger. 

 “Catch a wave!” he yells out at me.

Octopus & Octopi

So how is it that I now find myself as a grown woman with a graduate degree trying to dumb it down to appease someone else?

I was focused on making him comfortable and as silly as the Octopi conversation was it reinforced what I already knew society expected from me. Be pretty, smile, nod and make yourself “less than” to make someone else comfortable.

That has to change Katrina.

But as they say, old habits die hard.

Too Pretty and Actually Smart

"Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked female." -Diana Vreeland

’m glad he recognizes I’m funny. I am pretty funny. Did he just say I’m pretty, smart, likable, and he wants to marry me?
 

No. That’s not what he said. He’s angry. What’s he saying?
 
I reprocess it.
 
He’s breaking up with me.
 
I burst out crying.
 

"It's 2007 A%@$#!!"

You go be 2006 girl!” He shouts.

“I will! And it’s 2007 you A@#$%!

The door slams. He’s angry.  I’m crying. My parents are confused how I was so unaware of this and I’m left just as confused.

I left shortly after. He told me I would fail, I would see how hard life was, and I would see what dirtbags men really were.